I have been practicing clinical psychology for over 30 years, and I still love it. While some days are spent hearing the painful events of people’s lives, on other days I’m able to witness and celebrate their ability to overcome incredible obstacles.
I’ve seen thousands of people of all ages, from diverse backgrounds, starting when I worked in a family homeless shelter for almost a decade and then throughout my years working in private practice in New York and Connecticut. I treat people suffering from depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and bipolar disorder, as well as individuals who have suffered through traumatic life experiences.
Whatever the reason they present in my office, my mission is for them to leave feeling more empowered to take charge of their lives in an authentic way, believing in their inherent value as human beings.
Throughout my years in practice, I have noticed a consistent trend during the holiday season: an increase in mental health crises and symptoms, along with an increase in visits to see mental health professionals.
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The holiday season, while an exciting time, is often fraught with distress. In fact, 38 percent of people report that their stress increases during the holidays, according to the American Psychological Association, which can lead to physical illness, depression, anxiety, and substance misuse. The reasons given included lack of time, financial pressure, gift-giving, and family gatherings. Below are some ways to navigate these stressors.
How to protect your mental health at Christmas
1. Reduce people-pleasing behavior
It’s easy to want to make everyone happy during the holidays, but we tend to overextend ourselves and become burned out. This leads to resentment, as we feel underappreciated for our efforts, and reduces our enjoyment of the season.
My client Joanna always made 10 different kinds of cookies each Christmas for friends and family. However, a few years ago, she recognized she was exhausted, time- pressured and burned out from the effort and not enjoying it anymore. She was determined to set a boundary the following year and only bake five varieties.
The following year, despite cajoling and pressure from her family, she stuck to the boundary she set and found she enjoyed making the cookies again. In the end, her family found her much more pleasant to be around and was pleased with the new plan.
2. Communicate and compromise
During the holidays, a lot of issues come up that are left undiscussed. One family member may feel like they’re doing all the heavy lifting with gift-buying or wrapping, decorating or party planning. Another might feel like there are too many parties on the docket and their social battery is running low. Sometimes family members disagree on how much to spend on gifts. These are all topics that can lead to family stress, financial pressure, and mood-related problems.
These are hard topics, but not talking about them can pollute relationships with resentment, whereas airing them can relieve the pressure building up. Short-term pain can lead to long-term relief.
De. Jennifer Guttman
My client Kris was worried about how many holiday parties they were supposed to attend. I encouraged a conversation with their partner to see if there was a way to navigate the situation so both partners could have their needs met, but Kris was very nervous about bringing it up.
However, once they faced their fear and talked to their partner, Kris was surprised at how easy it was to come to an agreement. They would attend parties together that were “very important” to one or both of them, and take two cars to the parties of “medium importance” so Kris could leave earlier. Also, Kris could skip the “low importance” parties altogether. Both left the conversation feeling they had reached a conclusion of mutual respect and understanding.
3. Engage in self-care
When we forget to focus on self-care during the holiday, a Pandora’s box of mental health issues can arise, such as a negative attitude, resentment, and physical symptoms of burnout.
It’s important to remember to commit to sleep, exercise, and eating healthily, regardless of how busy you are. Without setting aside “you” time, your brain realizes you don’t value yourself as much as you value everyone else. As a result, resentment builds.
When you take care of yourself, on the other hand, your mood and efficiency tend to improve.
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My client Gerry was mindful of this and didn’t wait for anyone to do nice things for her during the holidays. She developed a list of tangible reinforcers—ways to reward herself—that she could use when she successfully completed tasks such as setting up activities to keep her children occupied, sorting holiday decorations, and returning or exchanging gifts.
These rewards included ending her day with a hot chocolate or sitting by the fire with a book for an hour after her children went to bed. These reinforcers demonstrated to her how much she valued herself for a job well done. Taking the time to reflect on and “own” successful execution of a task improves our mood. It also helps develop feelings of self-respect and self-confidence which powers overall life satisfaction.
It may be that holidays still create some stress, despite the efforts outlined above. If, however, these strategies improve your enjoyment by 25, 50 or even 75 percent, the effort you put in will have been worth it. The season is beautiful, so it’s worth enjoying it to its fullest potential.
Dr. Jennifer Guttman is a New York-based psychologist and author of the Audible Original Beyond Happiness: The 6 Secrets of Lifetime Satisfaction. She is also the founder of motivational lifestyle brand Sustainable Life Satisfaction and host of the accompanying YouTube series.
All views expressed in this article are the author’s own.
